THE UNWRITTEN RULES OF MOVIE GOING ARE NOW WRITTEN.

Please note violators will be frowned upon and should be asked to leave without any inclination of a refund.

A few things bothered me at last nights screening of Jiro Dreams of Sushi. --As a side rant for those who don’t know Jiro is a great documentary  about one of the world’s leading sushi chefs.  It’s worth a glance.--Now back to my main rant I had some problems with the screening last night and NO THEY WERE NOT THE THEATERS FAULT.  Please kindly give them a break.  The following list I’m calling my list of approved movie theater behavior.  Please abide by them.

NO OUTSIDE FOOD 

This one I’m flexible on depending on a few factors.  Don’t sneak food into a theater that is more dependent on your business at the concession stand then others.  Your smaller theaters more so then your major ones.  

If your going to sneak in food please be considerate.  No you don’t have to share with complete strangers but nothing warm/hot that will smell up the surrounding seats.  (I am guilty of this just once.  I thought it ironic to bring in a big mac combo meal, drink and fries included, to a screening of Super Size Me.  And I only violated this amendment just once).  

Movie theater food is a great source of junk food.  I understand dietary needs so bring in smaller portions or sugar free if you are to sneak in food.  Last night the patron next to me had a bag full of carrots and what I assumed was ranch dressing but generally speaking it was a dipping sauce.  Really your paying a babysitter so you can trojan horse in raw veggies to a movie theater?  That’s just flawed to me especially because within a one mile radius of any given theater there is a gas station with cheap and a wide variety of candies to hide in your pockets.

CELL PHONES ARE TO BE OFF AT ALL TIMES

It’s cinematic blasphemy to text, talk, answer, or have your phone make any kind of light and/or noise during the movie.  And if your rude enough to have the phone on during the movie answer it quickly, quietly, and proceed immediately to the exit and OUT the door to talk.  Once you have turned off the phone only then can you reenter to enjoy the rest of the movie with me and the other movie goers.

The exception is emergency personal on call only.  You have reserved seating in the corner of the auditorium closest to the exit.  Utilize the exit to the fullest when your pager vibrates. 

KEEP TALKING TO YOURSELF!

I don’t understand the urger for people to talk during the movie especially about something completely unrelated to the movie at hand.  You really paid $9 a person to watch a movie only to face one another and talk about your prom dresses?  (Yes this particular conversation happened once and recently).  

Ideally don’t talk once the movie starts, trailers and car commercials are ok, but not the actual movie.  If you are going to talk whisper so others, especially me, doesn’t have to hear.  Please remember your at a movie not on live radio so the conversation must be minimal and quiet.  Nobody else in the theater cares what you have to say.

BE POLITE

If you have to get up for whatever reason be polite to the people in your row whose view you are temporarily a skewing. Simple things like ‘excuse me’ and ‘thank you’.  This goes both ways.  If somebody is walking in front of you let them pass.  Don’t be a jerk.  You don’t have to stand up but moving your legs out of the way is not only a grand gesture but makes it easier and quicker for somebody to pass.  

As a side note to this rant I have asked strangers from time to time to refill my oversized movie theater purchased beverage and they were kind of enough to do so.  You don’t have to do that but those who do are aces in my book.

WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG AT THE THEATER EVERYBODY DOES NOT NEED TO COMMENT TO THE WHOLE AUDITORIUM & TO THEATER PERSONAL

Sometimes things happen.  Bad weather cause power outages, movie sell out and start a few minutes behind schedule.  Get over it.  Your at the movies to have fun not to complain to everybody.  A comment to those who are with you will suffice.  Only one maybe two people need to talk with theater staff about what is happening.  Theater personnel are reliable about communicating information and apologizing for any unforeseen issue during the movie.  Most theaters also offer a concession such as a free pass for any major reason the movie must be stopped mid play.

The rules seem simple enough.  If you don’t like it go online and rent a movie from netflix.